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Recipe for Disaster/Freeing King Awowogei/Transcript
Foreign Affairs Inspecting King Awowogei *'Gypsy Aris:' You will need to feed King Awowogei his favourite dish. *'Player:' What's that then? *'Gypsy Aris:' I have to admit I'm not sure, maybe you should ask him? *'Player:' Ask the version of him on Ape Atoll? *'Gypsy Aris:' Yes, of course. Somethin' Nasty *'Player:' The monkey king... However did I save him from the culinaromancer...? *'Cook:' Well, it was something that sounded ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING that you picked up on Ape Atoll... *'Player:' Oh yeah... I remember now... *'Cook:' Did you want a reminder on any other of your brave exploits? Ook Ook? *'Player:' Do you have a favourite dish? *'Awowogei:' What? No. Definitely not. *'Player:' Are you sure?... *'Awowogei:' Absolutely. I can't let you have sensitive information like that... *'Player:' So you do have a favourite dish, but you don't want to tell me. *'Awowogei:' I won't tell you anything – and neither will the three monkeys, I made sure of that. I can't have any monkey knowing about it. *'Player:' So if I talk with these three monkeys they'll tell me all about it? *'Awowogei:' NO! Now go away and leave me in peace. Search for a Stuffed Snake Monkey Business *'Kikazaru:' What? Eh? Did you say something? *'Mizaru:' Who's there? Hello? *'Iwazaru:' Mmmmghmhhmh... *'Player:' Hello? *'Kikazaru:' Who are you? *''It doesn't look like this monkey can hear you.'' *'Mizaru:' Is there somebody there? *''It doesn't look like this monkey can see you.'' *'Iwazaru:' Mmmmghhh mhhhh. *''It doesn't look like this monkey can... you get the idea.'' *'Player:' There's something familiar about you guys. **'Player:' Who are you? ***'Mizaru:' I'm Mizaru, and this is Iwazaru. ***'Iwazaru:' Mmhggmmmhh. ***'Mizaru:' He says hello. This is Kikazaru. ***'Kikazaru:' ... ***'Mizaru:' Oi, you! Pay attention! ***'Mizaru:' Mizaru gives Kikazaru a slap. ***'Kikazaru:' What? Oh, hello, who are you? I'm Kikazaru. ***'Mizaru:' I've already said that. ***'Kikazaru:' What? Oh, this is Mizaru and Kikazaru. ***''Mizaru turns and stares at Kikazaru.'' ***'Mizaru:' I'VE ALREADY SAID THAT. ***'Mizaru:' Not very bright, that one. ***'Iwazaru:' Ggmmhhmm. ***'Iwazaru:' Iwazaru waves his hands around at Kikazaru in a way that might be construed as monkey sign language. ***'Kikazaru:' Aren't you the clever monkey around here? ***'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru waves his arms again. Whatever he said wasn't very polite.) ***'Kikazaru:' Hee hee hee! You're so rude. ***'Mizaru:' Grr... Do you have any other questions? ***So, monkeys... ****'Player:' What exactly are you doing here? ****'Player:' Do you know anything about Awowogei's favourite dish? ****'Player:' What's wrong with you? *****'Iwazaru:' Hmhmhhhh mmgghh. *****'Kikazaru:' I know, I know. I'll tell him. *****'Mizaru:' No! I forbid you to tell this stranger anything! *****'Kikazaru:' I can't hear you... *****'Mizaru:' Yeah, well, hear this gnomebrain! (He slaps Kikazaru.) *****'Kikazaru:' Ow! There was this recipe, right... *****'Mizaru:' Stop it! *****''Mizaru slaps Iwazaru. Iwazaru slaps Mizaru back. They start to fight.'' *****'Kikazaru:' Oof! He liked it so much he married the cook! YEAH? Have some of this! *poke*) *****'Mizaru:' AARGH not in the eye! *kick* *****'Kikazaru:' Oof! The king thought it was magic and – AAAIEEE! – he got a priest to curse us to keep quiet. *head-butt* *****''Mizaru slumps to the floor and rolls about in pain.'' *****'Kikazaru:' Ha! Serves you right! Anyway. The priest only had enough ingredients for one curse, so, when he tried to keep us all from telling anyone the recipe, each of us only got part of the curse. That's why I can't hear anything now. *****'Iwazaru:' Mmmmghhh. (He nods his head) *****'Player:' Can you tell me what this recipe is, then? *****'Mizaru:' How do you know about that? It's top secret information, you know. *****'Player:' Well, I am also on a top secret mission. *****'Mizaru:' Ah, I see. Can you tell me what the mission is? *****'Player:' Well, it's on a strict need-to-know basis. I'm sure you understand. *****'Mizaru:' Of course, of course. *****'Player:' However, I think I can trust you with sensitive material. *****'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru raises an eyebrow dubiously. You give him a wink.) *****'Player:' (You whisper in Mizaru's ear) I've been charged with organising a secret party to celebrate the king's birthday. Keep it quiet, though, don't let a single monkey know. *****'Mizaru:' Well, in that case, you definitely need to know the recipe. *****'Mizaru:' The king has a real soft spot for roasted giant snake, stuffed with sliced banana and monkey nut paste. *****'Iwazaru:' GGHHMM! (Iwazaru starts jumping up and down) *****'Mizaru:' Yup! You need to find some bananas and monkey nuts, and stuff a giant snake with them. It's as simple as that. Stop hassling me, Iwazaru. *****'Player:' Where do I find this stuff, then? *****'Mizaru:' Every monkey knows where to get hold of nuts and bananas, but I believe that the snakes live on a nearby island. Never seen one myself. ****'Player:' That's all for this moment. **'Player:' What are you doing here? **'Player:' Do you know anything about the king's favourite dish? *'Player:' What am I looking for again? *'Mizaru:' Some monkey nuts, a banana and a snake to stuff them into. *'Player:' Where do I find this stuff, then? *'Mizaru:' I've heard that there are snakes on a small island to the east of here. Nuts and bananas? Just check the normal places. *'Iwazaru:' Gghmnmn! *'Mizaru:' Stop making such a fuss, Iwazaru. *'Player:' Are you sure he's not trying to say something important? *'Mizaru:' No, no, no. Always looking to be the centre of attention that one. Don't let him worry you. *'Player:' If you say so... Slip of the Tongue *'Mizaru:' This feels like the banana. This should do the job. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru jumps up and down, waving his arms and legs about wildly.) *'Mizaru:' Quiet, Iwazaru! *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru grabs you by the arm.) *'Iwazaru:' (He shakes his head vigorously.) *'Player:' I think your friend wants to tell me something. *'Mizaru:' Oh, ignore him, he's clueless. *'Mizaru:' Grrrrr! *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru makes what you suspect was a very rude gesture to Mizaru) *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru starts gesturing at Kikazaru) *'Kikazaru:' Hmmm... *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru gestures some more) *'Kikazaru:' Really? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru waves his arms about yet more) *'Kikazaru:' Oh, that's very interesting. *'Player:' ... *'Player:' Well? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru sighs and points to you) *'Kikazaru:' What? Eh? Oh, right! *'Kikazaru:' Iwazaru says that you have the wrong type of banana. *'Kikazaru:' You need a red one. *'Player:' *sigh* I should have guessed it wouldn't be that easy. A red banana. Don't all bananas taste the same? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru looks shocked) *'Mizaru:' (Mizaru looks astounded) *'Kikazaru:' (Kikazaru looks blankly over your shoulder) *'Mizaru:' How can a monkey say such a thing? *'Player:' Oh, you mean RED bananas! Yes, of course. I've heard that they are the tastiest. Much tastier than blue bananas, how could I forget? Bah, only a fake monkey wouldn't know that. Ahem. *'Mizaru:' Blue bananas? There's no such thing. Hey, wait a second, where did you say you came from? *'Player:' Err, I'm not from round here. Anyway, moving quickly on, is there a red banana tree nearby? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru nods enthusiastically and points west.) *'Mizaru:' Iwazaru says there is a tree in the west of the island. *'Player:' Right! I'd better start looking for a red banana tree. Legendary Tchiki *'Mizaru:' Ah, monkey nuts. Good work. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru is hysterically trying to get your attention) *'Mizaru:' Stop playing around, Iwazaru. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru grabs you by the arm.) *'Iwazaru:' (He shakes his head vigorously.) *'Player:' I think Iwazaru is trying to say something. *'Mizaru:' Oh, ignore him. *'Iwazaru:' Mmmh! (He quickly makes some signs at Kikazaru) *'Kikazaru:' Ah, I see. *'Kikazaru:' Iwazaru says that you have the wrong kind of monkey nuts. Ordinary monkeys nuts just won't do. *'Kikazaru:' There is a special type of monkey nut that grows on the island, and has a subtle and distinctive flavour, highly valued by all monkeys with a sophisticated palate. *'Kikazaru:' They are called tchiki monkey nuts and they require a very particular combination of soil and climate. *'Kikazaru:' They need the minerals and dampness found in hill caves, but also cannot grow without sunlight. *'Kikazaru:' Myth and legend shrouds the history of the tchiki monkey nut. *'Kikazaru:' Some say that it is the nut that gave monkeys their superior intelligence. *'Kikazaru:' Others say tchiki monkey nuts are the food of the monkey gods. *'Kikazaru:' Either way, you must find a path through treacherous undergrowth to harvest the Nut of Kings. *'Player:' ...He said all that? *'Kikazaru:' Yup. *'Player:' I never realised monkey sign language was so...concise. Anyway, where do I find this plant? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru nods enthusiastically and points south.) *'Kikazaru:' Look to the hills, south of here. *'Player:' Right! I'd better start looking for this tchiki monkey nut bush, then. Taste Testers *'Player:' Is this the red banana I'm looking for? *''Mizaru grabs the banana surprisingly quickly for a blind monkey.'' *'Player:' Wait, I need that. You don't have to eat- *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru slaps his forehead) *'Kikazaru:' Too late. *'Mizaru:' Hmmm, oh yes, very tasty. *'Player:' Well... is that the right one? *'Mizaru:' Oh yes, I'd recognise the taste of red anywhere. *'Player:' Really. I suppose I'd better get another one now. *'Player:' I think I've got some tchiki monkey nuts. *''Mizaru snatches the nuts from your grasp in one blink of an eye.'' *'Player:' Don't eat them! *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru shrugs apologetically.) *'Mizaru:' Mmm, these are very tasty. Tchiki monkey nuts really are the best nuts I've ever tasted. *'Kikazaru:' I'm afraid you're going to have to get some more. Can't Stand the Heat *'Player:' So, I've got all the ingredients. What do I do now? *'Mizaru:' You need to prepare the ingredients and stuff the animal. *'Player:' How do I do that, then? *'Mizaru:' I don't know. They don't let blind monkeys into the kitchen. Anyway, you're the cook, I'm sure you can work it out. *'Player:' How do I cook this thing? It's huge! Is it going to fit in an oven or on a spit? *'Mizaru:' A very good question. Anyone know? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru nods. He looks at Kikazaru to translate for him.) *'Kikazaru:' Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru prods Kikazaru) *'Kikazaru:' Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru sighs, and then points to the floor directly beneath him, acting like a zombie.) *'Iwazaru:' (He then points at you and falls over and plays dead, gets up and shrugs.) *'Player:' Hmmm. Somewhere underneath here, with zombies? *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru nods) *'Iwazaru:' (He then wipes his forehead as if it were hot and points at the sacrificial pyre in the east of the temple.) *'Player:' Somewhere hot, possibly nearby? What's this business about me dying, though? That's not so cool. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru shrugs) *'Player:' Well, I suppose I'd better have a look. You've Had Your Fill *'Mizaru:' Mmmm, something smells good... *'Player:' Yup, it's all cooked and ready to go, or, at least, I think it is. *'Mizaru:' Maybe the king wouldn't notice if we had a little bit? *'Kikazaru:' Just a little taste. *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru slaps both of the other monkeys on the back of the head.) *'Player:' Yeah, listen to Iwazaru! Stay away from my stuffed snake! I'm not making another one. There was more than enough monkey business involved in making this one. *'Mizaru:' Take that thing away from us. It will only fill us with unfulfilled longing. *'Player:' Thanks for your help, guys! I've had more fun than a barrel of monkeys doing this. *'Player:' Although, I wish I'd realise earlier on that Iwazaru was the monkey with the brains. *'Mizaru:' Ooh, you cheeky monkey! *'Iwazaru:' (Iwazaru mimes putting a crown on his head.) *'Player:' Time to serve this to the king. Freeing King Awowogei *'Awowogei:' Err Where am I? Ooh! Roasted Stuffed Snake, lovely. *'Awowogei:' Mmmm, I'm sure I can detect the delicate aroma of Tchiki Monkey nuts, and the sweet perfume of Red Bananas, all slowly caramelised on hot rocks. *''King Awowogei tucks into his roasted snake.'' *'Awowogei:' *munch* Who are you? *'Player:' I'm just a wandering chef, travelling from town to town saving peoples lives. *'Awowogei:' *gorge* You're a bit odd, aren't you? *'Player:' Yet again, my heroic work goes unappreciated, I suppose that is the fate of a true hero. *'Player:' So ...I've heard that this dish makes you more cooperative. *'Awowogei:' *stuff* That's a lie, no definitely not. Well maybe. *'Player:' Well, getting to Ape Atoll is quite a pain. Do you have a way of making it easier to get there? *'Awowogei:' N. Nnnnn... nghghghnmnmn... Yes there is a spell. *'Player:' Will you let me know how to cast it? *'Awowogei:' Absolutely No... Nerrrrnnnn... Oh, go on then. *'Player:' So, what do I need to know? *'Awowogei:' Well, it will take a while to explain... *'Player:' Ah I see, so the banana actually has the crucial effect on the teleportation matrix. *'Awowogei:' Yes, yes, of course. *'Player:' I'm sorry I forced you to tell me the spell. *'Awowogei:' Oh that's alright – it could have been worse – you could have asked me to marry you. *'Player:' Yes – that would have been a lot worse. *'Awowogei:' Anyway, it seems you have done me a favour. Though I'm a bit confused about what went on here. *'Player:' You're confused? Get a ticket and join the queue, Your Monkeyness. *'Gypsy Aris:' Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have number council members left to protect! Transcript